Category: personal stories

If You’re White & Don’t Know How to React to Floyd’s Death…

Credit: Rachel Fergus/RiverTown Multimedia

Disclaimer - while this is normally a business blog (eg last blog on Biz Metrics) in the wake of George Floyd's death I can't stay silent on how we got to this point.

Protests rock the nation as many discover the motivation to stand up and fight for civil liberties and equality for blacks after George Floyd was racially killed by officer Derek Chauvin.

Now white people are scared of being labeled racist and wonder what to do.

There were decades of police brutality against African-Americans before now, but with the advent of smart phones, suddenly the nation is captivated by the tragedy unfolding before them.

Speaking with a Crisis Intervention specialist on the phone, who is black, I learned that he is bombarded with calls from his white friends and clients asking how they should be reacting to Floyd's death.

Questions like this frustrate me. Growing up in an all black and Mexican neighborhood as a child, many social constructs of race and class were de-codified quickly when our common language was mutual poverty.

I saw how my dad was racist and how false his ideas about blacks and Mexicans were.

In middle school, due to federal race quotas at white west side schools my whole neighborhood was bussed out of our hood to a rich white school we weren't comfortable at.

I was the only white kid on the bus. With four people to a seat, being bussed from the east side, before gentrification brought white people to poor neighborhoods I quickly saw how I was perceived to represent oppression, lost job opportunities and systemic racism.

It was a trial by fire. I got into a lot of fights. The first week my glasses got thrown out the window. Crypts and Bloods gang signs were being thrown left and right by these middle schoolers.

I learned early on, real recognize real. I was the son of a construction worker, we were broke as well. After a lot of conflict, I slowly gained acceptance and with this acceptance I saw clearly how we have-nots were perceived by the rest of the world.

I had an advantage, being white, because it was assumed that I was headed places other than drug dealing. But the incredible amount of entire life times planned out in the single look of eyes by someone white in a position of authority shook me.

I saw why even young kids were cynical. If they were a POC, they were expected to fail more than to succeed, and this kind of thinking got into their heads. Sometimes it was a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Many times it was straight up wrong and prejudiced. This came from school administrators, employers, police, bank tellers, homeowner associations, middle to upper class suburbanites and more.

I had good friends who were white, some no longer friends now, who showed me their beliefs about blacks and other nonwhite races through subtle comments I picked up on. The nuances were clear to me now due to my non-trust-fund up bringing.

I couldn't believe this shit was so pervasive. I talked with my friends who were black like,

"Do you actually see this? You deal with this daily?"

"Yup."

And yet, black people continued to give whites revealing their prejudices, passed down from parental figures, free passes. Infinite amounts despite white people's ignorance at how they came off.

Yet...white people get to be defensive, as if they are the victim, if there needs to be a sincere discussion about race, class and social constructs? WTF.

The Myth of White Fragility

I hear many convos about "white fragility" and white people not knowing how to talk about racism. Dictionary.com defines white fragility as:

"The tendency among members of the dominant white cultural group to have a defensive, wounded, angry, or dismissive response to evidence of racism."

It's mind boggling to me to hear these types of conversations because the only people afraid to talk about racism are people who are racist to some extent.

When you are the only white person for more than a 15 mile radius in your neighborhood, growing up, you learn pretty quickly about white people who often unintentionally insult black people with assumed predictions of black people's lack of ambition, success and intelligence.

Systemic Racism Comes From Passed Down Beliefs

The over policing of black neighborhoods leading to more blacks in prison is a known issue for those growing up beneath the poverty line.

The threat of life or death being in every encounter between the police and black people versus the innate security white people have with the police is a large dissonance in basic comprehension of the issues at stake.

Then there is the over compensating actions of white people who, unable to have honest conversations with themselves about inner ingrained prejudices, want to festish-ize black people.

But I Have Black Friends...

How many conversations have you seen on Facebook where an "all lives matter" white person defensively claims, "But I have black friends!"?

It isn't about 'having' black friends buddy. It's understanding how you marginalize another race's struggle against the unequal treatment they receive in job opportunities, education, and systemic racism in local police, state legislation and even the office of the president (after 2016 especially).

The especially frustrating part of this is almost every person I've seen post about all lives matter or how they, as whites, feel marginalized and not allowed to talk about things is that these people are just whining about themselves.

There is no understanding of a greater issue here other than their personal butt-hurt feelings that perhaps others perceive their prejudices more than they do.

Instead of posting on Facebook, about how you as a white woman, or man, are the 'victim' of censorship, take a good long hard look in the mirror and ask,

"What are my assumptions about black people?"

That's a good place to start. And realize just like Aspergers syndrome you can unlearn bad habits and learn how to improve your self-awareness. Don't defensively try to overcompensate.

The Winners Write the Textbooks

This defensive overcompensating doesn't help anything at all. Making black people into some sort of boyscout badge you collect and pin to your lapels doesn't make you less of a racist. It does the opposite.

One of the reasons why blacks have struggled to gain equal footing in America is because America was the only country to make slavery inherited from mother to child. Even Greek slaves had rights.

That level of labeling blacks as less than human continues post reconstruction era with vagrancy laws that rounded up freed slaves and charged them debts they could only repay by going back to work on the plantation.

These same plantation owner confederate types who never thought black people deserved the same rights as whites taught their sons and daughters for generations their racism.

So in-spite of progress, technology, Emancipation Proclamation (made mainly to keep Europe out of the war) and even the internet we have generations of people growing up with money, entitlements and racism running for public office.

They become legislators with these passed down beliefs that defied basic common sense that ended up manifesting in white-washing history text books and gerrymandering to invalidate minority votes.

When I spoke at the Teacher's Union in Austin Texas about the debate legislators were having to take out all mentions of slavery from Texas textbooks I asked Texas legislators a simple question:

"How is less information about our history, and black history, going to empower students?"

The winners write the textbooks. It's from the top down that the discussion of race and equality has been suppressed as Noam Chomsky famously said:

“Control of thought is more important for governments that are free and popular than for despotic & military states.The logic is straightforward: a despotic state can control its domestic enemies by force, but as the state loses this weapon, other devices are required to prevent the ignorant masses from interfering with public affairs, which are none of their business…the public are to be observers, not participants, consumers of ideology as well as products.”

From School to Jail Pipeline

The pipeline from school to jail for blacks especially, is just another attempt to re-establish the free labor system of the plantation days as prisoners make products at jails that are sold for profits they don't get a share of.

Part of the pipe line from school to jail is established by teaching only how to pass standardized tests instead of social skills, critical thinking and conflict-resolution training.

More contributors to this are permission parenting, being too afraid to establish consistent boundaries at schools (as well as defunding schools in minority neighborhoods and funding rich white schools with even more money).

When I was a substitute teacher at Austin Independent School District, I saw real life examples of this.I was working on my Bachelor's at UT and substitute teaching on days I didn't have class and saw some horrible things at Fulmore Middle School.

At Fulmore there was a whole grade level of kids who had behavior issues and were previously kicked out of regular ed to the Alternative Learning Center(ALC) for students who couldn't socialize without disrupting class.

These kids were 99% minorities, with very few white kids among them. The ALC said, "We give up," and kicked this same group of kids, who cursed out teachers and started fights back to Fulmore Middle School.

Due to group testing, the teachers just passed them on from grade level to grade level without any real intervention done. Same social problems, same lack of consistent boundaries being enforced, it was clear that jail was in the future for many of these kids.

Stop Assuming the Worst in POC Students

I talked to one of these "problem students" who was causing trouble and avoiding doing his math assignments in class. He was a young black kid about 9 or 10 years old.

I didn't talk down to him or just assume he was deliberately slacking off to make the teacher mad or make it about myself at all like I've seen some teachers do. I simply asked him,

"Do you like math? What obstacles are you facing with it?

He really opened up to me and talked about troubles at home and stated that he was actually good at math but was self conscious of "appearing too smart" around his friends.

We had a conversation about the future and the kind of opportunities available for those gifted in math and science. I shared that having a skill in math can lead to higher paying careers and opportunities.

And not just that. But how to make it real to him, the kind of lifestyle you can benefit from when you aren't broke.

It got through to him and he became very diligent at getting even better at math than when he started the semester.

Just a change of tone, from expecting the worst from kids who faced other problems besides school, and giving a real world context made all the difference.

This student succeeded because he wasn't labeled as any different than his white classmates, or expected to fail because he was black.

Just having a real conversation and being acknowledged isn't an impossible thing to do yet we don't see it happening at the frequency needed to change the world for the better.

Ron Clark has demonstrated without hesitation that being real with students improves their academic performance and commitment to education. Veiled racist assumptions doesn't so let's change this.

Separate Has Never Been Equal

So when there are white people who now want to sooth their fears of being perceived as racist by segregating black people into a box to be checked off to include their social circles, or that having black friends is somehow part of 'a list of accomplishments'

-- that's wack af. And low key prejudiced.

This kind of thinking misses the entire point that it is by segregating black people as less than or needing a special category from whites, you just come off as racist.

White people worried about being labeled racist - do less talking, more listening. Start actually paying attention to the social structures you benefit from that not everyone has access to.

Stop worrying about your public image and have some honest reflection about what your real thoughts and opinions are about black people. Examine where these beliefs come from:

*Experiences?
*Assumptions?
*Things you read in a magazine or heard from a friend?
*Beliefs from comments your parents made?
*Religion or the desire to fit in to your white social groups?

Unless you take the time to f-ing be honest and learn how your perception was formed, you will probably continue to feel overly sensitive talking about race.

Race isn't something to be afraid of talking about unless you're hiding something from yourself.

Stop hiding.

Recognize you may have innate prejudices by just how you were brought up, identify these and see how they conflict with reality to move beyond them

. . .

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Secret Dreams

Running a business is a stressful job if your heart isn't into it. When you're driven by a sense of a calling, a passion, and as previous blogs like "Uh Oh Management Needs A New Business Plan" have mentioned, armed with an intrinsic motivation much of this can transform into a labor of love.

But what of the paths not yet taken but dreamed about? Those nights entrepreneurs lie awake, thinking of the next million dollar invention or business model are full of the promise of what's to come.

The nights of enigma, mystery, and that sense of a far away destiny calling you. It is as if there is a party on the other side of the horizon line, just out of view, that you've been invited to, but can't find the address.

It was a feeling like this that introduced me to entrepreneurship in the form of blogging 4 years ago in April 2016. It was taking action on this feeling - refusing to miss another beyond-the-horizon opportunity - that let me quit my day job. It is the nature of being proactive that actions product results.

Instead of acting 'normal' and just chalking up my late night ideas as fantasy or 'unrealistic' I pursued my passion. Taking little steps one at a time, starting companies on the side while I worked at Facebook.

Getting proof of concept that there was a market for my services, a demand that exceeded the supply and thus the side hustle became the main hustle.

That's not all though. We want to make it to the top with our goals and ambition. For someone truly motivated I feel like there are not limits to how high your energy and focus can take you. As Lil Wayne raps, "No ceilings."

In the time I've spent working as a full time entrepreneur I realized there are secret dreams I have yet to act on. Sometimes it's out of nervousness that I'm not capable of achieving them. Other times the to-do list takes over and I forget about the never-talked-about dreams a part of me is still nurturing.

Some of it are businesses and iPhone apps I want to start but haven't been brave enough yet to seek venture capital for. And there are secret dreams I have for my own human potential. Many of these secret dreams surprise my family and myself when I shared one last week for the first time.

I want to be a classical pianist, and perform classical piano pieces in concert halls by Bach, Mozart, Chopin, and Ludovico Einaudi. There's no background that justifies this - I didn't have piano lessons as a child or study it in college. I play some blues piano improv, but I've never been good enough to consider myself "a pianist."

Yet - this is something in my heart that I really want to pursue. I'm considering taking piano lessons now, to make this secret dream a reality, once the world opens back up for regular business after COVID shutdowns. I had the fortune to see Ludovico live at the Bass Concert Hall in Austin, Texas last year, and he was incredible.

I suddenly realized, after I took the leap of quitting my day job, and following my instinct to become a business owner, now that this was possible, I could pursue another secret dream: sailing. Again, there is no context that makes any sense at all. My family hasn't been big on boats, I didn't grow up with any experience on boats that was memorable.

Well there was one moment, as a child, I heard my father say that one day he hoped to get a sailboat. Except, he invested poorly into his life, and business. Ended up old and broke, never pursuing any of his dreams. I guess I took that lesson to heart: how not to be.

I joined a sailing club, befriended a few skippers, and ended up going sailing on $100,000 dollar yachts. The waters glistening with beauty, the wind on my face, as a new friend let me steer his Beneteau Oceanis 38 across the lake. I marveled at how my secret dream, while not yet achieved of owning and sailing a yacht, was at least made more real now. Someday this will be my yacht, I'll let my friend steer.

Another ah ha moment came in a flash, as I found myself thinking about music. I've never seriously pursued learning how to make electronica music. I've dabbled here and there with a few experimental tracks like this one.

But, overall, I didn't take this seriously. In a sort of heart-to-heart moment, before I fell asleep a couple nights ago, I came to terms with the fact that this was something I never thought I would be capable of doing but have a very real interest in learning.

Chillstep in particular, with sampling beautiful singers, on a broad spectrum of neat soundscapes, complete with clips from movies relevant to the mood of the track - this is a dream I've denied myself the chance to see if I can make it happen.

I don't know when I will (perhaps if I meet DeadMau5 at a party & he's cool with sharing a few tips) but...I'm honest with myself that this isn't bullshit. It's a legit passion and interest I just haven't nurtured a whole lot. Another path yet to be taken, waiting, on the other edge of the horizon.

Any one of these secret dreams, has a startup idea behind it. It's part of what guarantees success - if you are genuinely interested, beyond just the money, in making something happen, that kind of motivation is unparalleled. I encourage you to look inside, and ask yourself,

"What are my secret dreams?"

Think about what you may have written off as unrealistic, or just not for you. And revisit these dreams. You just may discover that million dollar idea. Or at the very least, create a new route, for a path not yet taken, that leads to a good work-life-balance and increased personal happiness.

. . .
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I’m Not for Everyone Here’s Why…

Do we trust people we like with less experience more than we trust people we don't like with more experience?

Yes and the reason comes from caveman times. If we felt that someone was going to be able to stick with the herd and provide consistently they were always the safer choice.

Times have changed though, and many build their entire careers from being immune to social niceties. Whether it's Gordon Ramsay or Gary V these public figures have disregarded wanting to be liked. Or at least trying to sugar coat their social interaction skills and language.

There is a lot to be said for the walk-away feeling one gets after shopping at a store. Whether this is an online marketplace, or a retail establishment, we tend to remember the last thing more than the first thing.

On the opposite end, there are people who will say anything to get you to like them. Some have personalities that cannot stand to feel the disapproval of others. Crippling social shyness aside, there is a magnified effect of personal dishonesty that goes hand in hand with trying to please everyone.

How can a business please everyone, and still remain true to the core values that founded it? There are a few businesses that deliberately take confrontational stances on an issue to gain media attention and customers. The crazy thing is it works. (Look at whose president right now).

However, there's something to be said about caring for what kind of CX your company provides and the residual income that is purely from testimonials being shared. I think there is a balance between kowtowing to every little thing your client base needs and drawing the lines for ethical behavior.

One of my clients asked me to do work on making sure their client, who was running political ads on Facebook, was Facebook policy compliant.

I Had to Take a Step Back

There are some crazy people out there right now that want to encourage unsafe behavior, and many are political. I had to do a gut check and ask myself,

"Can I live with myself, if my FB Policy Analysis helped a candidate get elected who endangered the lives of others?"

It wasn't easy. Times are hard, business is slow, and you take money from the money tree when you can grab it.

I gave my client an ultimatum and said that I would need to review the goals of their political ads client and end game before I could say yes.

I wasn't going to walk into this with blind faith or just wanting to make a profit.

What I stand for, and the ripple effect of my business decisions matter.

I would rather starve than steal.

But that's just me. If I was having to feed a bunch of mouths at home, with mounting bills and little options, would I have chosen differently? I can't say as that's not the reality.

The reality is that I have to trust the people I work with to do business (and their clients) otherwise I won't sleep easy. In the last blog we discussed the power of showing up and this counts for showing up for what your business stands for.

Profit Over Principles

This also made me realize that there are lot of businesses that don't factor ethics into their business decisions. Walmart has dumped tons of toxic waste into Texas tributaries and was almost sued by the EPA before they stopped.

There are plenty more examples of behavior like this that puts profits over principles. I think I learned something about myself through this last experience: I'm not for everyone.

I'm fine with that.

As an Entrepreneur I Get to Choose Who I Do Business With

Abdicating that choice because I was being lazy, or too eager doesn't seem fair to the many people who don't get to choose who they work with. It also doesn't do justice to the hard work I had to put in to become a startup founder who has options I didn't have in my 9-5er past life.

What experiences have you had that made you question your business choices?

Comment below:

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Think Different

The kind of thoughts in my head
these days are different than before. I think you’ll understand, given that we are all in this together.

Past
Last year around this time, I’d just returned from Paris for the 1st time. I’d become trapped in an airport in Miami, Florida for 2 days all the flights back home sold out due to spring-breakers and the airlines wanting to sell as many tickets as possible. New country, new experience, new little moments that will stick with me. I saw and entered Notre Dame before it burned down, and took this photo:

Present

Right now, I’ve watched the rain, listened to online radio while reading a new Ken Follett book, A World Without End. I don’t feel trapped inside or suffer from the same cabin fever some of my friends and business associates do. Perhaps the years of solitary survival, before social networks were invented, prepared me for what’s going on, with the city on lock down.

Future

Looking to the future, I can’t help but think this whole experience is pushing us to take better care of ourselves. As challenging as it may be, looking for ways to be thankful right now is helpful. I am thankful for my neighbors. After self isolating for weeks, the first friend I interacted with (at a safe distance across fences) was my neighbor. She talked to me about going bike riding with her friends through the neighborhood and feeling safe at that distance from each other – yet able to socialize still. It was nice to hear.

It was kind of low key shock to me, how much I enjoyed our short convo before walking to a local Mexican restaurant (remember to support your local restaurants for delivery and pick up during these times) to pick up a gordita and breakfast burrito. I guess I was so well adapted to being myself I didn’t realize it’s healthy to socialize with other people you know and care about. I encourage you to get on Skype or Zoom with your friends and family on a weekly basis to maintain lines of communication.

Years ago, in my 20s, I was working at a job doing tech support for wifi interconnectivity. My roommate bought me a swivel chair so I had a big black leather office chair since it was one of the first work from home jobs I ever had. We had a group chat and only interacted digitally, boss and coworkers included. On my breaks I would throw horse shoes in the backyard or walk around the block. Back then, working from home was a novel concept.

Today it’s necessity.

Scanning the years that passed since then, there is a lot to be thankful for. The travels, new friends, books, random experiences with art, music, community and the kindness of strangers are all pieces of the large infinite beautiful mosaic of life. I know I am not the person I was back then. Parts of each of us have changed, sometimes in imperceptible ways.

With these tiny changes also comes new perspectives, because the little adjustments in how we frame the same issues are a ripple effect in the aspects of our personality that responds to the world. Our personality responds to how our personality responds as we are agents of our own change, for better or worse.

The people we have to become in order to survive ordeals, and the people we have to become in order to achieve our goals are comprised of these tiny changes. So as you adapt to the way things are right now, be perceptive. Don’t lose yourself. Remember what matters most regardless of external circumstances. Treasure the bonds of friendship you’ve created with meaningful people and the shared experiences that define us.

It’s hard because we’re all human right? I’ve had people text to ask if everything was ok given what’s going on right now, who will often go a whole year never even expressing interest in hanging out. And I have to quiet the inner critic and respond compassionately with genuine concern and interest for his family and well being because – we are all trying to make it through the day. Make it through, somehow intact, mind, body, spirit. Let me share a song I was listening to today, that helped uplift the spirit:

Follow the Sun

Tomorrow’s a new day for everyone

Brand new moon

Brand new sun

So follow, follow the sun

The direction of the birds

The direction of love

Routines help us cope, and many of us struggle to create them. It’s like a ship lost at sea, in uncharted waters. And yet, land is almost visible on the horizon line. Having to restructure the day, and create new patterns that include physical and emotional self-care may feel the twinge of growing pains but push through it.

You are the architect of new tiny changes that will help create the version of you that is going to pull through this.

As Kendrick Lamar raps:

“That’s why I do the best I can, because I know how blessed I am,”

Not So Secret Weapon

What's the one thing that brings people together?

Common ground. Community. Shared Purpose.

In these trying times, it's easy to look for ways to cast judgy eyes onto those that are different from you. In business, there are seldom second chances to make a great impression. As a result, if there is contention, often this loses customers.

For good.

Ever been to a restaurant where a waiter was rude and dismissive? This makes an impression.

Impressions cost money.

One time I was in a restaurant with a friend, enjoying some chips and queso. Everything was going great, until one of the waitstaff started talking loudly to the bartender about their life. The things they had to brag about. The intimate personal details I was not volunteering to hear or participate in - like being locked in an elevator, with someone on their cell phone pouring out TMI stories as if no one else exists.

This experience cost that restaurant a customer (and perhaps more than one, if others also weren't keen to learn the backstage view of their waiters personal life).

While it may seem like a small loss, word of mouth alone can magnify this loss - if I were to say the name of the restaurant and other locals read it. Shoot, one place I ate at with another friend, she found a metal screw in her sandwich - hows that for customer retention practices???

Ironically, I still go to that restaurant. Why? Because the attitude and impression the waitstaff made on me before and after the 'screw-gate' incident was supportive and understanding.

A big contrast to self-absorbed life-story narrative waitstaff whose superpower is ignorance of the world around them. (Not sure who her arch-nemesis would be...Self-Awareness Girl? Kind of an anti-hero set up).

I can't solve national political debates, or bridge the divide between differing religions, beliefs, and social constructs - at least not with just one blog alone. However, we can all do our part both in business and in our personal lives to build community.

Community helps those with different view points find gaps we can bridge in eachother's skillsets by virtue of our shared membership in a tribe. That's our common ground. Whenever something goes down that requires team work - that sense of unity creates friendships, rebuilds relationships and helps others.

I was freestyling rhymes about living with intention at a local freestyle rap cypher here

What many may not realize is that finding common ground has to be a conscious decision to be effective. Well, I guess not necessarily if you are just a community-minded person. What I mean is most people have to make an effort to start finding what they have in common with other people.

I'll never forget...riding in the peach colored F-150 Ford truck my father drove and listening to him yell at other drivers. He'd insult them and make up all kinds of reasons why they weren't ANY good.

It always stuck with me because of the intense effort he made to find reasons to belittle strangers. I wondered if he knew how exhausting it was to listen to him yell insults. How exhausted this made his own life? I bring this up because I had a real epiphany when I was working at Facebook.

I'd take my breaks outside, and walk around downtown Austin. I started remembering my dad's judgements when people walked across the intersection at 6th and Congress entering coffee shops, jewelry stores, delis, comedy theaters and more. His words floated through my brain about how this woman is probably like ___ or that man is probably just___ [insert insult].

I don't know why it hit me at that moment.

I thought of how much control my dad completely let go of by doing this habitually. But I started to realize, as I heard my father's voice inside my head, that I had a NEW choice:

I could look for reasons to compliment people. I could find reasons to celebrate people.

I could choose to be positive. Being positive sometimes gets a bad rep from some who feel it's negating reality or practicing avoidance of harsh truths that need to be dealt with. But this wasn't it at all.

It is more of a choice on what to focus on. And when your attention is focused on adding details, filling in the blanks, with the intention of veneration, the intention of giving people back their humanity from these bullshit static labels we fall in the habit of accepting - this creates a new opportunity to build community.

Even if this is silently, just watching, enjoying little moments. Not creating negative imaginary backstories for why someone appears a certain way but instead creating positive, supportive opinions about people. Believing in their goodness. Believing in my own goodness. Feeling the glow of selflessly loving strangers just because I can and I choose to.

Does this relate at all to business?

To entrepreneurship?

Yes. And to enjoying life. When we pause, and look beyond trying to make money and focus on building relationships, nurturing a community, those who receive these messages respond in kind.

Humans have an innate urge to support positive socially constructive behavior.

Taking the initiative to create this within your customer's journey will not only empower you to extend the life time value of a client and build brand loyalty - you also won't feel like a shitty human being trying to manipulate others to buy from you.

Living with intention is not another millennial buzz phrase - when you start to fill in the details. What is your intention, specifically?

And in regards to which part of your life, or your business - how do you fill in the gaps for your intention? How does your intention manifest itself in each part of your life?

This is where you are the sculptor, molding the clay of creation, deciding to create a life that celebrates diversity, new ideas, the raw unpolished surface of the planet where all these little creatures live and die and share moments of joy.

We are part of this. We continue to choose which moments to nurture, to dwell in and continue to make. We choose which thoughts become our dominant narrative.

Yes, life is hard sometimes. We lose people we care about (RIP Kobe Bryant), sometimes money is tight, hospital bills pile up, impossible obstacles seem to face us - even if that obstacle is just waking up the next morning. I've been there. Some things we overcome quicker than others.

But when we focus on building a community, locally, within our business's customer journey, among fellow professionals, sharing hobbies like horse riding, golf, sailing, gaming, photography, education - these shared values, moments, and people create a beautiful caring network that is sustainable.

Money aside - this is the legacy we can build and contribute to - the networks and communities we build and are a part of that nourish each member with a sense of belonging and support.

This is the not-so-secret weapon against apathy, isolation, pain, ads that don't convert into sales, and brick walls we hit sometimes when deciding on our next move.

The people I know, friends, family, fellow entrepreneurs - all have given me great ideas and vice versa because we chose to listen to each other.

So keep listening. You may learn something new.

Exciting New Era of the 20s

As the new year approaches, we make our resolutions for the next 365 days, and reflect on the past year. But, it's a special time; we are concluding a decade.

Seems crazy right?

I don't know about you but for me this feels like the first official decade of the 2000s. 2000-2010 still seemed like just the year 2000 extended. The teens, (which is what I consider 2010 - 2019), gave the feeling of still being the year 2000 extended - era wise.

Is it just me?

Did you feel a sense of "we are living in the new 70s, 60s, 80s, 90s" ?

I didn't. But now, after society has adapted to all the new innovations in technology it feels like the start of a new era.

With the ever present smartphone, how that shapes art, music, the club scene, schools' Edtech ventures, the accessibility of media, the rise of Netflix as an ever present background for home entertainment, the normalizing of online dating apps, the prevalence of rideshare companies like Uber and Lyft now becoming a household term

- it feels like we've balanced out to a distinct way of life that has its own culture.

The last era I remember having its own sense of zeitgeist was the 90s. But with the 20s - this is the new decade complete with new ways of living.

A New Era

The past 20 years seemed like an experiment but now, there is kind of a balance. We've adapted with new mores, and a way of talking about things that is unique to post 90s. Socially though - I would say we still have a ways to go. New habits have created new problems in the new era.

Younger people - from babies given iPads to stare at for hours, to 9-18 year olds are all heavily co-dependent on technology to communicate, socialize and feel connected. The ability to focus on one thing will full attention is on a sharp decline.

Even sitting still isn't as common. Critical thinking, using our brains for more than googling has been suffering. Online behavior has given many an excuse to be mean, hiding behind the screen.

Social media is used to validate the youth's sense of SELF-ACCEPTANCE- which is a real problem given the trolling, fake profiles, and artificial community social media giants like Facebook have created.

At the same time, incredible community efforts to assist those in need for wild fires in Cali, to floods in Houston, Texas have been assisted by social media. People have literally been rescued from rooftops because of posts they made online - that is a win and it's a...err...haha rather 'new' as a way for helping folks.

On the flip side, among the youth, there is a huge issue of substituting attitude for integrity - I have a phone, I can call a rideshare, I can talk back and organize my escape from any discipline for crossing boundaries by coordinating with friends and questionable characters on my smartphone.

"I do what I WANT mom and dad!"

"I will public shame you online if you don't let me just live my life!"

Sense of Purpose

Rampant drug use amongst the Asian communities, small town white suburbanite communities, in addition to the generally accepted state of ghettos and impoverished grottos - is on the rise.

Young people are also doing a lot of drugs - not just marijuana but bath salt, barbiturates, molly, X, etc. The irony here is, often the spike in drug addiction is amongst successful college graduates with profitable careers in industries like software engineering.

Part of it is ease of access in our ever increasingly connected world, but much of it is due to the same issues the youth face with technology addiction - a lack of purpose. A missing place inside for a sense of why we are here.

Some fill this hole with staying busy all the time working, or with drinking going out to bars almost every night of the week. Others turn to tech, and obsess over the newest gadgets, turning hostile if the social behavior this creates is ever put into question.

Tech has become the new religion - if you question validity, or suggest a balance in turning the black mirror screens off, many act like you insulted their god - just as defensive and scared.

Others use religion to fill the missing pieces inside with a consistent whole, to define life purpose with. This can be benevolent and based in compassion - actions speak louder than words - other times it's predatory.

It's a way of not accepting people who don't think, feel, and believe the same way, thus creating a false moral superiority.

Jesus in the gospels said a bunch of helpful things, that regardless of religion, if practiced, would make us all better people. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes, be forgiving, understanding of those different from you.

It is simply a tool, and how it is used depends on the user.

Dozens of Ways to Look @ the Same Thing

Philosophy, humanism, and rational thinking have addressed questions of purpose and meaning for centuries. Whether there is one cohesive solution found or not the underlining theme is to be open.

Be less rigid, more curious and to be adventurous in exploring our own perspectives.

To be brave enough to find out what is beneath the surface of roles we play and attitudes we hold. To balance one's self by not getting too attached to one way of thinking. To cross reference sources, til you feel something that feels right. It's an intuitive, instinctive moment.

Reading philosophy for 20 years now, I've questioned my own beliefs many times - not motivated by self-doubt but simply asking,

"Is there a better way to do this...living, being, adulting thing?"

This led to revelations, understanding the world, who I am, and added a sense of direction to where I am going. By asking, "What's really possible for identity if I get better?" and evaluating different view points - I found my center.

Many live and die never exploring who they are. Because it's a paradox - on one hand accept who you are, on the other also ask, "What can I do to improve?"

Body, heart, spirit, mind, life.

All of it.

Realizing..when looking out, how few have gone this deep, compassionately questioning their beliefs, wanting to give back

- I see there's a gap in many childhoods.

With this increased access to resources, through the internet, smartphones, laptops, video conferencing, texting, social media apps displaying entire lives - the real sense of meaning for living is often lost if kids don't have an underlining sense of right and wrong.

So they turn to drugs, even after becoming successful, making money, but having no real inner sense of direction.

At The Very Least...

The hands off approach of let kids raise themselves (which Will Smith has, as a scientologist, for his kids - and the results speak for themselves) doesn't really work because how easy it is to influence children through social media, blogs, rando websites and such.

At the same time, indoctrinating a child into a religion from an early age steals the freedom of choice - they should be allowed to decide once they are of sound body and mind what they believe in.

Yet - at the very least kids should be taught the value of compassion, the value of active listening and validating other people's view points, to lend a helping hand when possible, not be self absorbed but appreciate what we have and look for opportunities to improve one's self.

I feel...at a bare minimum, these traits will at least create a blueprint for self discovery less self-destructive than many students I observed when substitute teaching.

Reflecting on the 20s

I, haha, will not attempt to solve this entire issue in one blog post.

But, something really strikes me when a friend of mine last night was telling me about her friends with successful careers but drug addiction problems.

As I sip coffee I got for Christmas and watch the sunrise this morning I am thankful for my sense of purpose.

Reflecting on entering the new 20s, the 'roaring 20s' of the previous century, I wonder what this new decade has in store for us.

Will we finally get hoverboards? Teleportation?

Will values re-enter social dialogue as a worthwhile focus for the youth? How will we continue to evolve as a species?

We have neat benefits of information being shared like plastic eating bacteria to clean the oceans, solar and wind renewable energy becoming more easily available and cheaper each year.

Yes, there are still challenges, but I remain hopeful as humans still have the ability to amaze.

Happy New Years!

Fitness FTW

Sunday August 12th 2018 Press play to hear the music that goes with this blog

Jesse Cook : Tempest

Maybe it was almost dying in New Orleans that finally pushed me to seriously commit to living healthier, eating more nutritiously an adopting a rigorous swimming regime. Perhaps it was all those years of body-shaming I endured, both from my friends who’d make fun of me in good spirited jokes, or from my inner monologue staring in the mirror and really being unhappy with what I looked like

Certainly throwing up blood violently, passing out, waking up, and throwing up more was a gut check on how I lived my life. The unexpectedness of almost dying from blood loss on my summer vacation slapped me in the face. RUDE. I felt like the world was spinning out of my control. Standing up in the AirBnb and having waves of pressure hit my head on the left side, now the ride side, and the blackness creeping up on the edge of my vision affected me more than I care to admit.

I’ve come close to death many times in my life. Car accidents, comas, allergic reactions, guns being pulled on me at 16 years old and being threatened by homeless people with knives. Somehow, I was able to cruise through it, in some sort of functional shock that pushed the emotions of what I had to deal with far below the surface. This time it was different.

I have more to lose now & bigger dreams than simply surviving until tomorrow morning. Authoring my first book, writing the second book, teaching myself Spanish to prepare for going to UT this month, working at Facebook and absolutely loving my job, I’m on the cusp of greatness I feel, now more than ever. I have so many creative inventive ideas for business that haven’t been put into play yet.

Entrepreneur Blues

It’s like, I feel like I’ve made my forays into the mindset of an entrepreneur but I am still filling out the application. I don’t feel like a true entrepreneur yet until I have a steady income each month from my projects. But getting into better physical shape, and enjoying what I look like when I look in the mirror are part of my vision of myself as an entrepreneur. So when I almost kicked the bucket in June this year and spent 3 days tied to a hospital bed with IV tubes, something inside of me snapped. In a good way.

Enough bullshitting Trevor, you can and will do better than this. On all fronts. Be a better son, be better to my son, be a better coworker, be a better friend and take better care of my body. Be better at this life mastery type ish. Taking the time to work more authentically on my goals, my business and journey into entrepreneurship is intrinsic to the person I’ve decided to become. Fitness is something I have put off for far too long.

Diet Progress Fitness Goals

4 Weeks and 4 days ago I began a 6 Week Eat To Live challenge: I’ve given up dairy, all bread except for once or twice a week pita and hummus, all oils, and eat only fruits and vegetables. Part of it is I can’t really afford to see an internal medicine doctor the docs in New Orleans wanted me to see in Austin so I figure just eat as healthy as possible and the rest will fix itself. So far so good.

After the 3rd week of eating only fruits for breakfast and greens for lunch and dinner I began to feel ravenously hungry for the first time. Really hungry. It’s a wonder that I made it 3 weeks before missing full meals with bread, cheese and um…Creamy Creations Mint Chocolate Chip! But I made it. I didn’t cheat. I just added heavier things to my diet like portobello mushrooms, seasoned with lemon-pepper and basil, sautéed to perfection in an iron skillet. Near the end of the 3rd week I developed a craving for Green Tea. I’ve never been a huge fan of Green Tea, but I bought some and drink it on the reg now.

I work out 5 to 6 days a week, cardio, weights, and calisthenics. I meditate almost everyday. I go swimming twice a week. For 45 minutes I do front crawl laps and then 4 laps using a kick board. I feel better. I am better. Inside and out. I’ve lost 14 pounds, and am on track to becoming the fittest version of myself yet. I’m still overweight right now with a belly:

I want to be as cut as Mark Walhberg is (we have similar body types), and sport a six pack of well defined rectus abdominis, Transversus abdominis (TVA), and serratus muscles.

When will this happen? Realistically? Given my progress so far, around 3 months or less. I’ve seen more definition in my biceps from both weight lifting and swimming laps, I feel a square beneath my belly forming but my body fat percentages are way too high to show any muscles yet. But that day is coming, sooner than you think.

Eating salads everyday has an ancillary benefit to losing weight and getting in better shape: you are mofreaking healthy. I enjoy feeling good inside and out. I have more energy to do the things I love and am aligning with my goals more intuitively than ever before.

Yes, I still have a belly, but not for long. Them washboard abs are on their way, express delivery. And the lifestyle to go with it, sailing on yachts, becoming a book author, driving my Mini Cooper. I have lots to work on. But I’m motivated by the consistency of the dedication I seem capable of now, and see bright things in the future. Until next time SpaceCowboy…

Dr. Robert Young

Press Play: Back To The Rivers Of Believe: Way To Eternity/Hallelujah/The Rivers Of Believe

Wednesday April 18th 2018

Real Life Heroes

It’s not often you get to meet your heroes. Its even less seldom that you become friends with your heroes. I’ve gone through many iterations of who I am over the years. Each new experience bringing to light a new view of the planet and how one small person can make a huge impact. All through my life I’ve had a surreal feeling of living in a dream. The habits that make us walk through our daily routine on autopilot without questioning why we are the people we become sing a seductive lullaby. This is punctuated by catalysts that shake me into periods of being awake, aware, and purposeful.

It’s hard to predict falling asleep because you’re not aware of it while it happens. I feel this is a modern dilemma which plagues many of the deep thinkers of our time. The comfortable embrace of forgetting introspection, and continuing to stimulate our senses rather than our mind, or that intangible spark which ignites our spirit into active engagement. In the spring of 2015 in many ways I was asleep. I’d done years of work for many Ralph Nader organizations and volunteered in my local community. I’d been a public speaker for the families of minorities shot by Austin Police Department officers under questionable circumstances. Speaking at City Hall, the Human Rights Commission and the State Capital about the ethical use of tasers, and the divide between east side grottos and law enforcement, I did my best to become involved and make a difference adding honesty and truth to the public dialogue. I’d studied environmentalism and to a small degree, sustainability. But, nothing could prepare me for how much taking Dr. Robert Young’s Green Cities course at UT Austin would change, and evolve my perspective.

I had the type of arrogance which comes from too often being a big fish in a small pond. I was used to being the most outspoken person in the room, and the one most engaged in realistic practicalities for, well, not just complaining about the woes of the world but finding a real solution. When selecting this course, it was not done with much forethought, I just knew I needed a Signature course for my degree requirements. I really liked the name “Green Cities,” it appealed to my love of nature. My curiosity was peaked, so I thought, “Why not? Let’s explore!”

First Day Of Class

I remember the first day of class, January 20th I think, 2015. Dr. Young’s classroom was held in kind of a basement floor of a pharmacy building on campus. The feng shui was less than ideal. I walked in, with my REI backpack full of notebooks, and slid into a seat midway between the front row and the back row. Dr. Young began speaking about the basics most classes covered. Then he got into the course curriculum. I was struck by how relevant, dynamic and interesting everything he was saying was. Dr. Young seemed to know what he was talking about on more than a purely academic level. I was intrigued.

After class was over, I approached Dr. Young and introduced myself. I gave a short synopsis of some of the volunteer work I’d done and how fascinated I was with his class. He was short with me and reserved, not really knowing who I was and if I was just another student who was going to drop out in the first 3 weeks of class. Curiosity, and a genuine interest for where this class was going made me eager to attend the next. Over the course of the next couple of months, my appreciation for Dr. Young and what he was teaching grew immensely. We eventually moved to the Sutton building and got a much better classroom.

I met some of the other students in his class and there was quite a range of people who were taking his course. I made a couple of really good friends who changed my life for the better many months and years later. This is the course description from the syllabus:

This course examines the history and future of the ecological city and the technological and social forces that continue to shape it. Metropolitan transformation is explored in conjunction with alternative transportation, renewable energy, green infrastructure, recycling and resource management, and sustainable economics as means toward advancing cities to become the basis of an ecologically sound and socially just society.

The first part of the course introduces students to the long, but often overlooked, history of environmental city development in the western planning tradition. Specific emphasis is placed on the classic period as well as 19th century garden city planning and encompasses early efforts to establish solar design, mass transit, and green infrastructure as the basis of urban systems that still inform contemporary green city strategies.

The second part of the course reviews present-day efforts to apply these approaches in the face of modern metropolitan challenges to creating ecologically responsible cities. Specific case studies are studied within the theoretical context and political struggles that frame them.

Required Reading:

Civilizing American Cities – Olmsted (Sutton-ed.), Da Capo Press
Garden Cities of To-Morrow – Howard, MIT Press
The Great Financial Crisis: Causes and Consequences – Foster and Magdoff, MR Press The Ecology of the Automobile – Freund and Martin, Black Rose Books

The Big Picture

Each successive class, more of the big picture became clear to me. Much of the work I’d done in the previous years laid the groundwork, on top of which Dr. Young built a magnificent shining city of sustainability, agriculture, economics, and urban planning. The group discussions were animated and full of insight. I learned that Robert created a company called American Soil and was instrumental in helping America set up recycling systems and much of his passion came from practicing what he preaches. I expressed this feeling of admiration and being able to connect the dots in an email I sent him the 2nd month of class:

Thursday, February 12, 2015 11:30 PM

To: Young, Robert F
Subject: Re: Toronto’s Ecology Park Today

Hey Dr Young, I was just thinking about your class, it was such a random choice, after being forced

to take a freshman class due to my academic plan aging out, I had the option of choosing other UGS courses that better fit my schedule, and allowed me to have Tuesday and Thursday off to work. I decided, ultimately and on a whim to take your class instead because it seemed so interesting and worth sacrificing the ability to work during this semester for the only two days i would have off.

I am glad I did, today I really had one of the biggest realizations of my sustainable-activist-public speaker-volunteer career, and although it was a point already reinforced earlier in the course, it finally dawned on me, this is what I have needed for so long; an appeal to the decision makers in business and politics to associate capitalistic value to the sustainable approach…in a less wordy way…

I have been working for a long time on changing the world for the better, through many MOs,

and the road block consistently was, how do I make those in industry who are for lack of a better

term, morally depraved when it comes to a global view and doing things for the good of the world

rather than self interested motivations—ok I was too optimistic on this being less wordy–

But that was again a wall I beat my head against time and time again, in different sectors of business, the self interested projections of futures shaped by big business, came down to a social more they simply did not share, and a foolishly so in my opinion.

It dawned on just now, listening to the Floyd track attached and thinking of your class:

Green spaces ensure a quality of life that attract and keep companies like Mercedes in New Jerz

which therefore ensure jobs for workers, and circulate worker’s capital in local economies creating

windfalls for local and national chains of business that all benefit ultimately from protecting the environment in a psychosocialogical and monetary manner rather than the simplistic but true epithet of “why kill that which keeps us alive,” the natural habitat, and resource sustainability. The latter seems simple but still is not grasped by Forbes top ten lists, who have politicians in their pocket.

This is the gap I have been needing to connect; how to appeal on a economic level for preservation

of ecosystems which we are connected to and need anyways to survive, but that low level thinking

and motivations of greed have often blinded those with the power to change the world for the better

from changing it. But to connect economy to ecology like this does a lot for my ability to use

the talents I’ve already developed in this field to further reach different diasporas I perhaps would

not have otherwise, so thanks. Someday I will learn how to write in cliff notes lol

Trevor

One Person Actually Can Make A Difference

It felt amazing, the joy inside of me growing, that changing the world for the better wasn’t just some anachronistic adage from the 70s but something that can really happen. We’d have the lecture with Dr. Young, and then on another day of the week, we’d meet with his assistant, a graduate student of City Planning named Katharine. There were many animated discussions in those meetings and they offered a chance to get to know my classmates better. One of the classmates I had was a young Russian girl, who sat in the front row during Dr. Young’s lectures. She had an interesting way of speaking, as she was very intent on exploring where her ideas and understanding met Dr. Young’s knowledge. I felt there was something different about her, that she came by her world experience in a way which wasn’t as traditional as most students. One day after class, I introduced myself to her when we were standing outside of class together. For the sake of her privacy, we’ll call her D. I started sitting in the front row next to her and another student named Nathan who I became good friends with.

Dr. Young had a thing about punctuality, no matter what your excuse was, he really didn’t like it when you got to class late. This is because he was literally dropping gold mines of how to effectively sustain the planet and felt that if you didn’t share his passion or respect it at least, it was an insult. In a way it was comical, how worked up he was about people arriving late. Also, if you were looking at your cell phone during his lecture, this was a big no no as well. When you consider how valuable what he was sharing is, it’s easier to understand how intense Robert got about the class he was teaching.

Hip Hop Scholar

We had what was called, Journal Reflections due each week. The format was up to us, whether we wrote something down that was poetic, or artistic, Dr. Young wanted us to put what we learned in our own words, or creative format as a way of synthesizing the material. It was a smart move because when you teach something you learn it even better, and essentially he was getting us to teach him what he was teaching us. After one class, one day, before the first Journal Reflections were due, I approached Dr. Young and explained that I am a hip hop artist, a rapper. I’ve made mixtapes that I’ve gone to Rock the Bells with and handed copies to Souls of Mischief, Big Krit, and Cypress Hill. Some of the local shows I’ve done had headliners including Devin the Dude and Prince Paul of De La Soul. Could I perhaps create a hip hop song for my reflection, instead of a journal? Surprisingly, Dr. Young whole heartedly agreed.

By this time, we were more well acquainted. I frequently spoke out in class asking for clarification or adding knowledge to a topic he was covering. We met often in his office hours to discuss the course and the issues of society. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had made a huge commitment to write, record, and release a new hip hop song every single week. Due to my course load, it became a challenge to do, but I always delivered. I’ll always remember those Wednesday nights, half way delirious, half way asleep, rapping into my microphone after spending 2 hours creating the instrumental, another hour or 2 writing the rap that implemented topics of the class that week. To be honest, it was not some of my best work. The Rep My City mixtape released in 2018 is a better representation of this, but, still, creating those raps was all part of the experience of attending the Green Cities class. How many professors would let you create a rap in place of an assignment?? I was super grateful he was so open minded and appreciative of my efforts. It made me think outside the box trying to write raps about the Auto Industrial Complex or Wall Street Economics.

Unforgettable Moments

I’ll never forget our heartfelt discussions in his office in Sutton Hall. He had plants on his balcony that I think technically weren’t allowed there and the sunshine silhouetted their leaves. We talked about the inevitability of fossil fuels transitioning out into renewable energy and how there was a fight to the finish from the oil kings to keep things the same even if it was killing the planet. We talked about hip hop, and I helped educate Robert on the topic as he didn’t listen to much but a few old school groups like Public Enemy. He and I talked about my journey from being a homeless teenager, living in an alleyway, to getting into Austin Community College and eventually accepted into UT with a recommendation letter from the President of ACC at the time, Steven Kinslow. Often we spoke of Dr. Young’s feelings being hurt by the students that he felt didn’t take his class seriously. It was such an incomprehensible idea to him that students would rather look at their Facebook status on Android or iPhone smart phones than pay attention to Fredrick Law Olmsted and how Green City open space planning emerged in response to the Industrial Revolution.

Personally I was riveted in my seat for his lectures. I took as many notes as I could and even recorded many of his lectures on my iPhone. I attempted to convince him to forgive these students for not having the wherewithal to realize how important I knew what he was teaching is. I’d say things like:

“Consider this Dr. Young, these kids haven’t perhaps had the catalysts you and I have had to help them recognize the significance of well, taking care of the thing that keeps us alive, the Earth. Instead of resenting them for not really giving a damn, have compassion, like you would for a wounded animal, that perhaps they aren’t strong enough right now to digest everything you have to say. Give them time. It may be next year they think back and something you said dawns on them and suddenly they have that “ah ha” moment.”

He’d say something along the lines of, “I haven’t thought of it that way, that makes sense.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was like an older version of myself with the same unshakable faith in humanity but the same critiques of apathy. Me if I was born a few decades earlier. We were kindred spirits and I felt that instinctively. There are so many people who are just talking heads, reciting points they heard on a syndicated talk show or radio show without really sincerely investing their heart. I found someone who, at least for the few moments we shared, could see the same world I did. And give hope that we can work together to make it better through the power of City Planning and Garden Cities.

Green Cities

Before Green Cities, I never knew how influential City Planners were, and how much power they held over how culture, race, economic livelihood, schools, transportation and local businesses developed. City Planning was a Graduate course and I was still an undergrad. It made me rethink my entire Geography degree and wish I knew about City Planning before I started going to UT. Learning about edible furniture, solar architecture, urban ecology, Cuba’s mastery of urban gardening, green infrastructure, rooftop gardens reducing AC bills and of course, Green Cities.

A Green City is a a sustainable city that by its very design can feed itself without a lot of reliance on the surrounding countryside for imports. Having a kind of perpetual farmer’s market of agriculture surrounding the city to provide both fresh vegetables and fruit as well as a source of economy is one of the cruxes of a Green City. Using solar or wind or hydrology the city can power itself with renewable sources of energy. The core concept is create the smallest possible ecological footprint, as well as producing the least amount of pollution possible. Balancing pedestrian walkways with automobile routes and efficiently use land. Composting, urban gardening, recycling, or converting waste-to-energy.

The Garden city movement was first established by Sir Ebenezer Howard in the United Kingdom.

Our class’s syllabus describes a Green City as also supporting world peace with less involvement with resource conflict:

A green city is a city that manages resources cyclically for renewal and regeneration, thus improving the prospects of peace. Note, this does not mean it is completely self-sufficient or autarkic, i.e. it is self-sufficient to the degree that it never engages in any trade or produce tradable surpluses. It does mean that it has set up systems for the responsible management of its own resources such that they are enhanced or made continually available rather than consumed and destroyed.

The Feeling Beneath It All

The energy that vibrated in that class was something beautiful to witness and it changed my life forever. Finally, I understood feasibly, how we can create a better planet, a practical utopia. The tempting cynicism of the current times was pushed at bay, and I could finally hope again. I wasn’t some idealistic but a catalyst for change. When the semester ended, I made it as clear I wanted to stay in touch with Robert and find some way to help him create the reality of Garden Cities. D and I became much closer friends than I think either of us had expected. She is super intelligent, majoring in engineering but also interested in the esoteric. We introduced each other to new reading material and concepts. Some of the things we talked about in deep conversations at coffee shops changed my life, and helped to evolve how I saw the world. We both shared Dr. Young’s sincere feeling that we too can improve the planet and that it’s worth caring about, in our own unique ways.

Green Cities Epilogue

Dr. Young and I met several times after the Green Cities course concluded. While he gave me an A, I did not do so well in Geographic Information Systems, and Spanish. I became academically dismissed and could not continue my education at UT until the fall of 2018. We touched base every few months at the Crown and Anchor, having a beer and some black bean tacos while discussing how we could work together. He also kept me updated on his adventures, meeting with the Waller Creek Conservatory for something that I think was going to be kind of like a winding greenbelt through the city (Waller Creek stretches pretty far distances across Austin). It was always a treat to see Robert, we’d catch up about our lives, and world issues. He told me about his peripatetic since of wandering, and not being sure if Austin was a city that he wanted to live in. But when his wife Katherine, got tenure at UT, that solidified Austin as his home base. Dr. Young didn’t know what to make of this, and we commiserated about gentrification and hipsters. Being a Native Austinite, I championed my city to him and let him know that he would grow to love this city too.

We would communicate through emails fairly frequently. He used to have a phone but he got so frustrated with it, not being too hip on modern technology, that after leaving it at an airport accidentally, he just swore off having another cell phone. Getting in touch with Robert was a task as I’d have to wait until he checked his email or hope that he’d be around his office at UT to answer. In August last year I watched a Ted Talk one time where the founder of Lyft was telling Tony Robbins about how Robert Young inspired him to create Lyft and emailed Dr. Young excitedly:

Turns out Dr. Young was meeting with John Zimmer the next day, how funny is that? Dr. Young was always in a juggling act, balancing his career, with taking care of his 3 kids, helping his wife, trying to make tenure at UT and the frequent traveling he did working on various projects. I thought at one point, because he hadn’t responded in a long time, if I may have said something offensive to him. I emailed him, apologizing and asking him what was going on. He wrote the kindest reply:

The Last Supper

On Sunday March 26th 2017 I saw Robert for the last time.We had dinner together at my townhome. Our plan was to create a global network of students who had taken his Green Cities class, as many of them had risen in business and were now influential. I had suggested the idea to him a year or two back, over a beer at Crown and Anchor. We were talking about the potential of all these students who really cared about the world, pooling their resources together to create Garden Cities, and implement these concepts into every day life. Rob had to go to the University of Oregon where he used to teach and find a way to get class rosters for who attended. I had created a Facebook Page for this community, but not much more happened as he was too busy with other projects to ever follow up. Last March we had a wonderful conversation and had a great time catching up. Little did I know that it would be the last time I saw Dr Robert Young before he unexpectedly passed away from a hemorrhagic stroke on January 6, 2018.

I didn’t find out until a few months later, through my friend, D. the Green Cities classmate, who texted me saying, this is not our Dr Young right? She’d gotten an email (and I had too, I just hadn’t checked my UT email yet) inviting us to a tree planting ceremony in Robert’s memory. I had a hard night that night. I was overcome with grief and it’s challenging to even write about it now. One of my real life heroes, who has done so many incredible things for the world, has now left the world. The last time we spoke was in an email was 2 weeks before he died. I was telling him how I made one of my son’s dreams come true. I asked my son in 2016 where he’d like to go if it was anywhere in the world, he said Hawaii, so in December 2017 I took him there. I emailed Rob about it in December:

Coping With It

I didn’t know what to do, my heart was hurting and I asked why we would lose such an amazing person. I didn’t have any answers. Robert Young was more than a professor to me, he was my hero, role model, and friend. As a way to cope with this welling of emotions and the feeling of powerlessness, I created a Facebook post as my own sort of eulogy, to reach out and tell someone about how much this man meant to me. I wrote:

I cannot describe what this man meant to me to ever fully give him justice, Robert Young, more than just the professor of the Green Cities UT course i enrolled in, was a mentor, an inspiration, a dreamer who made those dreams come true.

A man who not only motivated John Zimmer to create Lyft who took the same Green Cities course i was in, but also created the foundation to the recycling program America uses. Robert Young passed away January this year I just found out today.

I loved him like family, I wouldn’t be the man i am today without his positive influence.

Dr. Young changed so many lives for the better with his burning passion to help this world become a better place through city planning, economics and the sustainable architecture of Garden Cities.

His sincere desire to enrich the lives he touched with the knowledge, energy and realistic blueprints gave the gift of faith and hope in his beautiful vision of the future. My heart goes out to his surviving wife and children.

Dr. Young and I met several times in the years after I graduated his course and made many plans to change the world together through Green Cities and the community of talented professionals who took his course.

I stay committed to his vision, and will dedicate my life to helping to make this a reality. The world has lost one of the greatest people to ever walk this planet but i will never forget his words, his wisdom, and the fire that burned so true inside his soul.

The last time I saw Robert we had dinner together at my townhome and strategized future plans to bring people together, and create a Green Cities intelligentsia to change the world, by augmenting various strengths of each individual has towards creating an organization comprised of those who shared the passion for bettering the planet through sustainable city planning, architecture, permaculture, IT, social networking, economics, transportation, solar power, urban ecosystems and global interdependence

This photo was taken that night, may peace
be with you old friend.

We took that photo together in front of my home library where all the books of his Green Cities course are kept.

Tree Planting Ceremony

D. and I, we went to the tree planting ceremony in Rob’s honor together, she picked me up and we car pooled to UT. We were late to the ceremony and D. joked, “Dr. Young would be so mad at us for being late!” We laughed quietly in heartfelt nostalgia. I chatted briefly with Robert’s wife Katharine and let her know how much Rob inspired me. How I’m going to dedicate a significant portion of my life to helping make his dreams of Green Cities a reality. I mentioned that now that I have refined my musical talents more, I’m going to do a remix of all the Green Cities raps I created for Rob’s class. This is a promise I’m going to keep.

Afterwards, we were invited to a subsequent ceremony mainly of UT staff in honor of Robert Young. As I made small talk with various people including the Dean of the Architecture school I think, I found it hard to feel present. Seeing pictures of younger Rob with his children, in various cities, at younger ages made me feel like tearing up again. I didn’t feel up to social pleasantries but did the best I could with my Green

Cities classmate at my side.

Robert’s Future

Drinking a beer and walking slowly around the room, circling back to the table my friend D. was standing at, I was filled with sadness but also hope.Hope that I am a good enough person to help manifest Robert’s vision of sustainability. I emailed him when I recently finished writing my first book, on personal development, because his approval meant just as much to me as blood relatives.I don’t have a pithy platitude to make the loss of Rob any more bearable but over time a perspective develops. Instead of sadness, I’m gradually starting to feel more and more gratitude that I was lucky enough to meet Dr. Robert Young. You only get to meet a person like that once in your lifetime. The lessons of interdependent relationships between agriculture, transportation and city planning and the forever shining hope in his heart I share with my son. I’m grateful to have been there at the right time, to have felt his sincere caring for the planet and the people who live on it. And I’m grateful for the chance to pay it forward, however I can.

-Trevor

Awkward

Thursday March 15th, 2018

Awkward

Ever had an intense conversation with someone and their words continue to echo in your ears long afterwards? And it’s like you can’t stop feeling this lack of closure that beats on your mind like some kind of Edgar Allen Poe Raven on the window chirping “Nevermore, Nevermore!”

You start to go over the things that you could have said, should have said, and if you’d kept your cool more, would have said. The imaginary conversation replays in your mind only this time you are poised, calm, questioning of the other person’s motives for kind of attacking you -intentionally or not.

We all go through a situation like this, and whether or not we are in the right, there’s this nagging feeling that this could have been handled better somehow. Writing a letter about this experience, and stating what you would have said if you’d had that inner space can definitely help.

The other day I ran into someone that is part of a mean social clique I had the misfortune of being around last year. She is not an architect of the social engineering or mean spirited bullying that went on, but is friends with those who are. We had a heated discussion on why I deleted her off of Facebook. I felt put on the defensive right away, as if I had to justify anything I did to someone I didn’t know that well.

How often do you run into people you deleted off of Facebook in real life and are asked “Why did you delete me?”

Being honest is always a good policy. I was candid with her straight away, which took more balls than I felt I had at the moment and let her know I had to distance myself from everyone part of the rude social clique she’s a part of.

It didn’t take long for the conversation to get to a boiling point. She started randomly shifting the conversation to my life coaching program and demanding I justify starting a business. While I kind of shift my feet like with my best Katt Williams impersonation:

Exactly where does her opinion of what I do or anyone else’s permission to be an entrepreneur come into this? Ironically she’s got her own business on the side so it was an odd thing to be called out on like it was a bad thing.

Awkward wasn’t even half of what I was feeling right now. It was so out of place and random, to suddenly be discussing my business ventures with a person who I didn’t know that well and who is part of a group of people known to bully folks they judge as not worthy of their “coolness.”

Fast forward, I decided to get some space and shift my working environment, because I have location-flexibility. Walking away my last words to her kept replaying, “Just try being more honest, it may do you some good.” Not exactly the harshest thing I could have said and to be honest, I actually never had anything against her. We always had positive social interactions, even if her regular crowd tends towards toxic.

This is a good moment, where if you’ve had this experience as well, to take a word from the wise: We don’t (at least yet) have a time machine (and if we did – would we mess up the timelines trying to fix things like Continuum?) so it’s good to let things go. If you can’t, get a notebook, and write out all the things you wish you would have said but didn’t. This will help you get the stress, and trauma of the interaction out of your system.

Deep breath, tuck your abs in on the exhale, hold for a count of 10, release. Rinse and repeat. Woosa! It helps. Thanks for reading, and I know your day will get better now. Say it with me:

To Kill A Mockingbird

Monday, February 19th, 2018

Background Music Press Play for Added Atmosphere

I like animals but there’s this mockingbird that wakes me up in the middle of the night, just going nonstop with a strange amount of chirps, it sounds psychotic. The other birds, even grackles, are less annoying because they pause between chirps and there is plenty of quiet between their chirping sessions. This mockingbird just goes on for hours and hours.

There are even other parts of my neighborhood that I’ve seen and heard mockingbirds that don’t have this bizarre frantic energy that the mockingbirds in front of my townhomes have. Perhaps the electromagnetic energy from the electrical devices nearby affects them crazy? Maybe the street lamps outside throw off their natural sense of day and night and this also…somehow…makes them psychotic chirpers?

It’s strange how aggressively they go at it. So I decided, fuck this, I have to do something about it. I bought a wrist rocket sling shot on eBay.

It reminds me of my Dennis the Menace days as a rebellious youth, or memories of watching the Sandlot movie. I started shooting rocks at the mockingbirds to get them to go away.

But it didn’t work. No matter how close I get to hitting them, no matter how many times I sling rocks at these loud non stop noise making birds, they keep flying back to the same places on the telephone wires, stop signs, and trees in the front parkinglot, where my townhome is.

The irony is there is a whole neighborhood with creeks and plush trees to fly to that is so much more of a suitable habitat than a parkinglot made of concrete -yet these little bastards keep coming back. I’m a vegetarian, supporter of animal rights (though not PETA they go too far hurting animals in their videos to try to gain attention), an environmentalist, love me some sustainable permaculture versus a forced agriculture approach. But these mockingbirds won’t shut up!

It bears mentioning that I work from home, as a tech for Facebook, so I spend a lot of time at home. This leads to a lot of times I have to hear these mockingbirds. I think they are kind of pretty with the patterned design on their wings, but they are also aggressive af.

Before I bought the wrist rocket slingshot I ended up running outside in my boxers, in the parkinglot, throwing bottled water into the trees, brooms, anything I could find to get them to STFU at 3am in the morning when I was trying to sleep. There’s no cause for that. 3am? WTF!! I found an article from 1987 on the Los Angeles Times website where the biologist who wrote the piece suffered as I do from the nonstop night noise:

http://articles.latimes.com/1987-01-25/magazine/tm-5613_1_mockingbird-sings

I found it interesting that I wasn’t alone in experiencing this (even back in the 80s these mofos were interrupting sleep with their racket). Also, I found it interesting that mockingbirds don’t sing like other birds, for joy, often they chirp because they are pissed off little shit heads and chirping isn’t a song as it is a filibuster of complaints in bird language. Somehow, I’m not surprised.

Now, I sometimes go out into the parkinglot shooting up at the trees, trying to scare the mockingbirds away. What the hell happened to a sense of survival??? I’m trying to establish a perimeter, to keep them away from the front of the parkinglot since they have an entire neighborhood, including several parks. But the loud bastards won’t take a hint.

Fast forward 6 months, I drove most of the mockingbirds off, and they don’t wake me up at 3am anymore, sitting outside my 2nd story window with their wretched chirping. For the past 3 months or so I’ve had relative peace and quiet from the mockingbirds who moved on to somewhere else.

I spoke too soon! Now there are THREE mockingbirds that have come back to harass me. I think my aim is getting better now. The whole thing doesn’t make any sense. Why come back to a place where you’re going to get shot at? The mailman yesterday saw me trying to shoot the mockingbirds out of the tree and stopped to ask me if I’d had much luck. I explained my reasons why I was trying to drive them off and we had a good laugh. Even if it sucks to have to deal with it’s still a funny story.

To be continued…

Secret Dreams

I Had to Take a Step Back

Profit Over Principles This also made me realize that there are lot of businesses that don't factor ethics into their business decisions. Walmart has dumped tons of toxic waste into Texas tributaries and was almost sued by the EPA before they stopped.

Entrepreneur Thoughts in Lockdown

Entrepreneur Blues

Diet Progress Fitness Goals

Real Life Heroes

First Day Of Class

The Big Picture

One Person Actually Can Make A Difference

Hip Hop Scholar

Unforgettable Moments

Green Cities

The Feeling Beneath It All

Green Cities Epilogue

The Last Supper

Coping With It

Tree Planting Ceremony

Robert’s Future

-Trevor

Awkward

Profit Over Principles

This also made me realize that there are lot of businesses that don't factor ethics into their business decisions. Walmart has dumped tons of toxic waste into Texas tributaries and was almost sued by the EPA before they stopped.