What's the one thing that brings people together?

Common ground. Community. Shared Purpose.

In these trying times, it's easy to look for ways to cast judgy eyes onto those that are different from you. In business, there are seldom second chances to make a great impression. As a result, if there is contention, often this loses customers.

For good.

Ever been to a restaurant where a waiter was rude and dismissive? This makes an impression.

Impressions cost money.

One time I was in a restaurant with a friend, enjoying some chips and queso. Everything was going great, until one of the waitstaff started talking loudly to the bartender about their life. The things they had to brag about. The intimate personal details I was not volunteering to hear or participate in - like being locked in an elevator, with someone on their cell phone pouring out TMI stories as if no one else exists.

This experience cost that restaurant a customer (and perhaps more than one, if others also weren't keen to learn the backstage view of their waiters personal life).

While it may seem like a small loss, word of mouth alone can magnify this loss - if I were to say the name of the restaurant and other locals read it. Shoot, one place I ate at with another friend, she found a metal screw in her sandwich - hows that for customer retention practices???

Ironically, I still go to that restaurant. Why? Because the attitude and impression the waitstaff made on me before and after the 'screw-gate' incident was supportive and understanding.

A big contrast to self-absorbed life-story narrative waitstaff whose superpower is ignorance of the world around them. (Not sure who her arch-nemesis would be...Self-Awareness Girl? Kind of an anti-hero set up).

I can't solve national political debates, or bridge the divide between differing religions, beliefs, and social constructs - at least not with just one blog alone. However, we can all do our part both in business and in our personal lives to build community.

Community helps those with different view points find gaps we can bridge in eachother's skillsets by virtue of our shared membership in a tribe. That's our common ground. Whenever something goes down that requires team work - that sense of unity creates friendships, rebuilds relationships and helps others.

I was freestyling rhymes about living with intention at a local freestyle rap cypher here

What many may not realize is that finding common ground has to be a conscious decision to be effective. Well, I guess not necessarily if you are just a community-minded person. What I mean is most people have to make an effort to start finding what they have in common with other people.

I'll never forget...riding in the peach colored F-150 Ford truck my father drove and listening to him yell at other drivers. He'd insult them and make up all kinds of reasons why they weren't ANY good.

It always stuck with me because of the intense effort he made to find reasons to belittle strangers. I wondered if he knew how exhausting it was to listen to him yell insults. How exhausted this made his own life? I bring this up because I had a real epiphany when I was working at Facebook.

I'd take my breaks outside, and walk around downtown Austin. I started remembering my dad's judgements when people walked across the intersection at 6th and Congress entering coffee shops, jewelry stores, delis, comedy theaters and more. His words floated through my brain about how this woman is probably like ___ or that man is probably just___ [insert insult]. 

I don't know why it hit me at that moment.

I thought of how much control my dad completely let go of by doing this habitually. But I started to realize, as I heard my father's voice inside my head, that I had a NEW choice:

I could look for reasons to compliment people. I could find reasons to celebrate people.

I could choose to be positive. Being positive sometimes gets a bad rep from some who feel it's negating reality or practicing avoidance of harsh truths that need to be dealt with. But this wasn't it at all. 

It is more of a choice on what to focus on. And when your attention is focused on adding details, filling in the blanks, with the intention of veneration, the intention of giving people back their humanity from these bullshit static labels we fall in the habit of accepting - this creates a new opportunity to build community.

Even if this is silently, just watching, enjoying little moments. Not creating negative imaginary backstories for why someone appears a certain way but instead creating positive, supportive opinions about people. Believing in their goodness. Believing in my own goodness. Feeling the glow of selflessly loving strangers just because I can and I choose to.

Does this relate at all to business?

To entrepreneurship?

Yes. And to enjoying life. When we pause, and look beyond trying to make money and focus on building relationships, nurturing a community, those who receive these messages respond in kind.

Humans have an innate urge to support positive socially constructive behavior.

Taking the initiative to create this within your customer's journey will not only empower you to extend the life time value of a client and build brand loyalty - you also won't feel like a shitty human being trying to manipulate others to buy from you. 

Living with intention is not another millennial buzz phrase - when you start to fill in the details. What is your intention, specifically?

And in regards to which part of your life, or your business - how do you fill in the gaps for your intention? How does your intention manifest itself in each part of your life?

This is where you are the sculptor, molding the clay of creation, deciding to create a life that celebrates diversity, new ideas, the raw unpolished surface of the planet where all these little creatures live and die and share moments of joy.

We are part of this. We continue to choose which moments to nurture, to dwell in and continue to make. We choose which thoughts become our dominant narrative.

Yes, life is hard sometimes. We lose people we care about (RIP Kobe Bryant), sometimes money is tight, hospital bills pile up, impossible obstacles seem to face us - even if that obstacle is just waking up the next morning. I've been there. Some things we overcome quicker than others.

But when we focus on building a community, locally, within our business's customer journey, among fellow professionals, sharing hobbies like horse riding, golf, sailing, gaming, photography, education - these shared values, moments, and people create a beautiful caring network that is sustainable.

Money aside - this is the legacy we can build and contribute to - the networks and communities we build and are a part of that nourish each member with a sense of belonging and support.

This is the not-so-secret weapon against apathy, isolation, pain, ads that don't convert into sales, and brick walls we hit sometimes when deciding on our next move.

The people I know, friends, family, fellow entrepreneurs - all have given me great ideas and vice versa because we chose to listen to each other.

So keep listening. You may learn something new.